


Luna Vs. Snape

by SaraStarchild



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Gen, Kinda, Marauders' Era, Nargles, One Shot, Snape is a dick, Young Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-19 22:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10649034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraStarchild/pseuds/SaraStarchild
Summary: Years ago, Xenophilius Lovegood tried to get Severus Snape to talk to a Nargle. Years later, his daughter sits in his classroom, going on about Nargles. Sometimes believing doesn't require seeing.





	Luna Vs. Snape

**Author's Note:**

> Written in February 2012

First years. Ravenclaws and Gryffindors. Severus Snape stood in front of his mirror. He stared into his black eyes and convinced himself that he would make a point to deduct a large amount of points from Harry Potter and his little brigade this year; that always made him feel better about life. He never got to take points from James and his little friends when they were in school together – what was their name again? The Matters? The Murderers? The Murderers; must have been.

He walked out of his office and saw all the little first years, sitting down in their seats, talking quietly.

 _“Quiet.”_ Snape ordered, walking to his desk. Almost immediately, everyone quieted down. _Good._ He thought. _They’ve_ listened _to the older students…_

With a bit of hope, Snape started his beginning-of-year speech. He just mentioned brewing glory when suddenly –

“Oh look – Nargles.” One of the first years announced. Everyone looked at the eleven-year-old. It was a Ravenclaw girl – she had white-blonde hair and big, blue/silver eyes. She was pointing to something over by the ingredients. “You might want to tend to your cockroach eyes, Sir; they might fall down.” She informed her teacher. Snape looked over but – nothing was there. A few students were also noticing this, and they began to laugh quietly.

 _“Silence.”_ Snape ordered. He looked at the girl. _“What_ is your _name?”_ He asked.

“Luna Lovegood, Professor Snape.” She paused. “My, your cloak is looking very menacing today – it is like that normally?”

A few more giggles rippled among the first years, but Luna was looking entirely serious.

 _“I_ do _not_ have _time_ for such foolish _games,_ Miss _Lovegood._ You are in my _class_ to learn about _potions_ ; not about _nugels_ or whatever you called them…–”

“Nargles.” Luna corrected him. “And if you do not hurry your ingredients will fall down.” She informed him.

“I do not _care_ about what they are _called_ , Miss Lovegood. I do not _care_ because they do _not_ _exist_. And you would do _well_ to _remember_ that.” He turned around, thinking that that was the end of the conversation, but Luna spoke.

“Daddy says they’re real.”

Snape turned again.

“And _who_ would your father _be_ , Miss _Lovegood?”_ He asked.

“Xenophilius Lovegood, Professor Snape. He writes the Quibbler.”

Oh god, no.

Snape remembered Xenophilius Lovegood quite clearly… 

* * *

Severus sat in the library, reading up on potions – Lily excelled in potions, and he wanted to make an impression on her. Severus’ real talent was in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but Lily wasn’t in that class, so he couldn’t make much of an impression. Of course, Lily liked him as a person at this point (it was only their second year), but that didn’t stop him from trying to make her like him even more. The library was generally quiet that day – the only person Snape could make note of was Xenophilius Lovegood, who was off talking to himself in the corner.

Xenophilius was a first-year Ravenclaw, yet everyone seemed to know about him. He was one of the weirdest first years Hogwarts have had. His hair was long and blond and his eyes – well, no one ever looked at his eyes – they creeped a good portion of the Hogwarts student body out. He had a thing for talking to himself or shouting about strange creatures that no one had ever heard of. Severus had never seen any of them, though; all of these were just rumors.

Unfortunately, though, the book Severus needed to find out how to grow fluxweed was located on the shelf not even two feet from him.

Snape got up and started walking towards the shelf; not daring to look at him, fearing that if he did, Xenophilius would start talking to him.

It seemed like Xenophilius was interviewing…the air? Severus chanced a glance over at the first year. It looked like he was talking to the air just by the shelf he was sitting in front of. Maybe he was talking to the books… Severus looked away as he reached the shelf. He reached out to take the book – _Plants For Potions_ – from the shelf, when –

“Hello, Severus.”

Severus stopped and his hand turned into a fist in defeat. He had been caught by no one other than Xenophilius Lovegood.

“Hi, _Xenophilius…”_ Snape said, dropping his hand.

“Please, call me Xeno.” Xenophilius insisted. “How are you today?”

“I’ve _been_ _better._ ” Severus shrugged. _I was feeling much better thirty seconds before…_ He looked down and noticed that Xenophilius was not just _talking_ , but he was _writing_ as well. He had at least fifteen feet of parchment in front of him – all of it written on in tiny, messy handwriting. “ _What_ are you _writing_?”

“It’s for the Quibbler.” Xenophilius announced proudly.

Oh god – the scheme. Everyone had heard of Xenophilius’ crazy scheme. Ever since he knew how to write, he planned on publishing a magazine that centered around the existence of creatures that didn’t exist and that evolution would never make (unlike puppy sized elephants – evolution’s working on that). This magazine would be called _The Quibbler_ (Severus had no idea what the word “Quibbler” meant, but he didn’t really care).

“This is a Nargle, Severus.” Xenophilius informed Severus, gesturing to the space of air he was talking to.  “I’m interviewing him. Do you want to say hello?”

Severus decided right then and there that he was _not_ going to become any crazier than Xenophilius Lovegood. He grabbed _Plants For Potions_ and dashed back to where he was sitting, he could only hear Xenophilius explaining to the “Nargle” that he was shy and didn’t have any friends.

 _Well,_ Severus thought, _I’ve got Lily – and that’s one more friend than you have._

The next day was…in a word, terrible. Apparently, someone had seen Severus with Xenophilius and decided to tell the worst possible people about it…

“Hey! Snivellus!”

Severus and Lily turned around. James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew were headed their way. Sirius and James were standing side-by-side, both wearing the same arrogant smirk. Peter hung just behind James, talking excitedly about something – Severus could hear his name – and Remus hung to the back, as if guilty about something.

Lily huffed.

“Not _these_ guys…” She muttered. She stepped forward. “What do you jerks want?”

James stopped short; Snape could tell he always had a thing for Lily, but Lily was _his_ best friend. James had enough best friends; he didn’t need to take his, too. Sirius stepped forward.

“I heard you were hanging out with Xenophilius Lovegood, Snivellus!” Sirius laughed. “Do you two talk to the walls together?”

“ _Shut_ it, _Black_.” Severus muttered.

“Shut up! Xenophilius started talking to _him_ , first!” Lily exclaimed (Severus had explained what had happened to her the night before).

“That’s not what we’ve heard, Evans. We heard that Snivellus _walked up_ to Xenophilius, didn’t ya, Snivley?” James asked him.

“Yeah, _Snivley?”_ Peter repeated.

“ _I_ needed a _book_ and he _just happened_ to be _there_.” Severus insisted.

“Yeah – and Xenophilius started talking to him! Sev’s not rude – he couldn’t just ignore him!” Of course, she knew that Severus left when Xenophilius asked him to talk to the piece of air that was a Nargle, but James didn’t need to know that.

“Well, whatever _did_ happen doesn’t matter now – everyone thinks that you and Xenophilius are the best of friends now!”

“Now you’ve got two friends! I mean, other than your books…” Sirius smiled.

“Come _on_ , Lily. Let’s _go_ …” Severus said, turning the other way. Lily followed him, turning around only to scowl at the Marauders.

“Have fun with your new best friend later, Snivellus!” James waved after them.

“Yeah, Snivellus! Have fun with Xenophilius!” Peter echoed.

“They’re such stupid jerks.” Lily told Severus, trying to make him feel better. “And they were probably just kidding about the whole school thinking you’re friends with him, Sev. And even if they did, I don’t think they’d care –”

Just then, they saw Xenophilius. He was standing at the end of the almost-empty corridor, staring at them.

“ _Uh_ -oh.” Severus sighed. “ _I’ll_ go _talk_ to _him…”_ He started walking, leaving Lily at the fork in the hallway – they were supposed to be going left, to transfiguration, but he went straight, to Xenophilius.

“I know.” Xenophilius said once Snape got close enough.

“You know _what?”_ Snape asked.

“The Nargles told me. Everyone thinks we’re friends.”

“ _Yes_ – _about_ that –”

“They have Wrackspurts in their heads – you don’t really like me. I can see your patience getting smaller in your eyes.” Xenophilius informed him.

“ _I_ …I’m _sorry_ , Xeno.”

“It’s understandable. Good day to you, Severus.”

And then he walked away.

And then they never spoke again.

* * *

…And then Snape was staring at his daughter.

“There are _no_ such _thing_ as _Nargles_.” He concluded. He then turned around and went back to his desk. He faced the class again. “ _Today_ _I_ am going to give _you_ a fairly _simple_ potion for you all to _concoct_. If _anyone_ _fails_ to _complete_ this _potion_ _correctly_ , they will have to _write_ _two_ feet of _parchment_ about _each ingredient_. Is that _understood?”_

The class nodded.

“Yes, Professor Snape.” They chorused.

“ _Good_. Now, if you have any _questions_ , figure it out _on your own_.” He told them, and flicked this wand at the chalkboard. The instructions for a boil cure potion suddenly appeared. As the students crowded the ingredients cupboard and Snape sat down, there was a sudden crash. With an impatient sigh, Snape stood again. He stormed towards the cabinet. “Stay _away_ from it – _you_ do _not_ know _how_ to _handle_ broken _jars_ – _you_ do not _know_ what that _ingredient_ could _do_ to _you_.” The crowd of students parted to reveal nothing more than a broken jar of fluxweed.

_Fluxweed._

Snape looked around, looking for Luna.

“ _Lovegood._ ” He called quietly. Everyone rounded towards something at his right – Luna was standing, grasping a jar of porcupine quills.

“Yes, Professor?” She asked innocently.

“Did _you_ knock this _over_?” He asked, gesturing to the fluxweed. “Just to try to _prove_ your little _point_ that those _Nargles_ exist?”

“No, Professor –” Luna started, but Snape cut her off.

“ _Detention_ , Miss _Lovegood_. And _ten_ points from _Ravenclaw_.” The other Ravenclaws groaned and glared at Luna. Snape pointed at the broken bottle of cockroach eyes. “ _Clean_ that _up_ before you _begin_ your _potion_ , Miss _Lovegood_.”

Of course, this led Luna to start her potion later than everyone else, but Snape didn’t mind that too much. Unfortunately for him, though, Ginny Weasley decided to help Luna with her potion, which saved her from writing the essay.

But that _didn’t_ save her from the detention.

* * *

After a hard day of being a first-year, Luna made her way back to the dungeons. There were a lot of Slytherins around and all of them had somehow heard about the reason Luna was down there.

“Hey, look! It’s _Loony Lovegood!”_ Adrian Pucey called. His friends all laughed, and one of them even pushed Luna. Of course, Luna was confused as to _why_ people would shove her and mispronounced her name, but she didn’t say anything.

“Look over there!” Pansy Parkinson pointed up at the ceiling. “It’s a _Nargle!”_

“Oh _no!”_ Draco Malfoy joined in, and then they laughed as Luna looked up to where they were pointing.

“There’s nothing there.” Luna informed them, causing them to break out into hysterics. Still confused, Luna went on her way. Of course, she realized she had only been to Snape’s classroom once, and she wasn’t sure how to get there. She tried asking many Slytherin students that were wandering the Dungeon halls, but they all laughed at her.

Eventually, though, Luna found her way to Snape’s office.

As soon as she walked in, Snape looked up from his copy of the _Daily Prophet_.

“You’re _late_.” He sneered.

“The Dadderblimps down here are very useful.” She informed him, smiling. Snape facepalmed himself, trying to figure out if she was the slightest bit intimidated by him. “So what would you like me to do for you today?” Luna asked.

“I need _you_ to write _lines_ for me.”

“You mean to _draw_ lines, Professor?” She asked.

“ _No,_ Miss _Lovegood_. Get out some _parchment_ and a _quill_.”

Luna sat down and obeyed. It seemed that her parchment was personalized – each foot had three blue stars in the corner. Looking closer, though, you could tell that Luna had drawn each star in each corner.

“Now what, Professor?” She asked lightly.

“ _I_ want _you_ to write _this_ phrase _one-hundred_ times.” He flicked his wand towards the board, and the words “There are no such things as Nargles” appeared.

“But –” Luna started.

“ _No_ buts, Miss _Lovegood_. Get _writing_.” He ordered, and Luna reluctantly started to write the dreaded words over and over again.

* * *

After about an hour and a half of watching Luna look up at the board, write down what she saw, and repeat the action, she stood, took her parchment, and skipped to Snape’s desk. She handed him the parchment, smiling, as if the lines didn’t affect her mind set at all.

Snape snatched the parchment and read it over, making sure Luna did it right.

“Miss _Lovegood_ …” He started, trying not to yell.

“Yes, Professor?” She asked.

“ _This_ –” He pointed to the last fifty lines. “Is _not_ what I _told_ you to _write._ ” He informed her. Luna looked at the lines.

“But, Sir, that’s what’s written on the board.” She informed him.

“ _What?!”_ Snape snapped, standing. He stormed over to the board, faced it, and saw – _“‘…Nargles…do…exist…’”_ He read aloud, his anger rising. He rounded towards Luna. “ _You_ – _you_ wrote _this!_ How _dare_ you _disrespect_ your _professor –”_ He started, but Luna cut him off.

“I didn’t do it, though.” She said calmly. Any other student would be crying by now. But, then again, any other student wouldn’t have been there, writing that phrase. “You were watching me the whole time – did I pull out my wand for anything?” She asked.

She had a point. But Snape wasn’t about to just _agree_ with a Lovegood.

“ _You_ did _something_ – how _else_ could –”

“It was the Nargle, Sir. He seems to like this room; he never leaves. His name is Ezernack.”

“The – _what?”_ Snape asked.

“Ezernack lives in your classroom, Professor. He sleeps there –” She pointed to the bookshelf in the corner – there was a small, dark space between two books. “– and he enjoys the frog toes.”

 _So_ that’s _where –_ Snape began to think, but then he stopped himself.

 _“Where_ are you getting this _story_ from?” He asked angrily.

“Ezernack told me, Professor. He came to visit me before I came down here tonight. He was surprised that I could see him; few can, you see and –”

“ _And_ let me _guess_.” Snape sneered. “ _Ezernack_ _rewrote_ the _sentence_ on the _board_ , _didn’t_ he, Miss _Lovegood_?”

“Yes, he did.” Luna nodded, happy to see that her Potions Master finally understood.

Snape almost growled in frustration, taking out his wand and pointed it at the board. The original phrase appeared back on the board, and the phrase “Ezernack” wrote quickly vanished.

“ _This_ is what you are to be _writing_ , Miss _Lovegood_.” He started, speaking quickly, putting his wand away. “ _This_ –” He pointed to the board. “– is what you _should_ be _thinking._ You should be _thinking_ like _everyone else_ in the _world_ and _not_ like _Xenophilius Lovegood_.” He spat the name. “He is _corrupting_ your _mind_ – making you _believe_ in such _foolishness_.” In an outburst of anger, mad at the fact that Luna still kept a serene look upon her face, Snape lunged forward, grabbing her shoulders. _“There are no such things as Nargles, Miss Lovegood! They do not exist, and they never will!”_

_Crash!_

Luna and Snape broke eye contact. Snape let go of her and looked behind him. There was a broken bottle of fluxweed on the floor, just a few feet behind them. Snape looked at Luna. He knew all about accidental magic – he and Lily had had their share of accidental magic as they were growing up – but enough to throw a bottle of fluxweed (a vital piece of his relationship with her father) across the room? Something was wrong. And just as Snape realized this, a vial of beetle juice was flying toward his face. He ducked just in time and looked at Luna.

“ _What_ is going _on?!”_ He shouted.

“It’s Ezernack, Professor.” _How the_ fuck _can she stay so_ calm _?!_ Snape thought wildly. “He doesn’t like it when you say he doesn’t exist. I can see where he’s coming from –” Snape just narrowly evading another flying bottle of ingredients. “– if someone told me I didn’t exist, I would be upset with them, too –” Snape couldn’t help but think that she wouldn’t be upset at all – her voice never changed from that serene, curious tone.

“ _Stop_ it!” He shouted instead, dodging another vile.

Luna turned toward the ingredients cupboard.

“Ezernack? Could you please stop throwing ingredients at the Potions Professor?” She asked kindly. “I wouldn’t like to lose him.” She added, which Snape thought was nice. He had been his absolute rudest toward her, and yet she liked him.

She turned back to Snape.

“Ezernack wants you to do something for him, first.” She insisted.

“ _Anything!_ ” Snape said without thinking, just as another vial missed him.

“Say that he exists.” Luna ordered.

“Anything _but that!”_ Snape shouted, and another bottle came flying at his face.

“Ezernack says he’ll leave you alone if you just admit that Nargles exist.” She promised.

“ _But –_ ”

“Please, Professor Snape.” And just as he wasn’t paying attention, Ezernack threw another vial at him. It hit his chest – the thin glass broke, and he suddenly had dragon blood staining his cloak. “Oh no.” Luna said sadly. “It won’t be menacing, anymore.”

“ _FINE!”_ Snape exploded. “ _NARGLES ARE REAL!_ THEY WERE _REAL_ WHEN _XENO_ WAS IN _SCHOOL_ WITH ME; THEY WERE _REAL_ WHEN I _SAID_ THAT THEY _WEREN’T_ ; AND THERE IS _ONE IN MY CLASSROOM RIGHT NOW!_ EZERNACK, _PLEASE_ STOP THROWING _THINGS_ AT ME!”

And then it was calm.

Luna, smiling, looked at Ezernack, and then back at Snape.

“He says thank you.” She informed him.

“I…I think I _heard_ , Miss _Lovegood_.” Snape whispered, startled and wide-eyed.

“That’s what happens when you believe, Professor.”

“Go…go _back_ to your _dormitory_.” Snape ordered.

“Okay. But wash that cloak before all the menace goes away.” She ordered, and then she skipped to the door. “Goodbye, Professor Snape.”

And then she was gone.

Snape looked around the room, and saw a streak of tan dash from the cupboard to the dark corner that Luna pointed to earlier.

* * *

Rumors of Snape believing in Nargles quickly spread in Hogwarts – some seventh year Slytherins had heard Snape yelling that night – but the rumors quickly died as soon as Snape glared at any students he caught talking about the incident.

But, sometimes, during a long night of grading papers, out of the corner of Snape’s eye, he would see a blur of tan, or, when he was barely listening, he would hear a small giggle. And there were no occurrences of random attacking potions ingredients again.


End file.
